Moving Out

Broke, determined and ambitious; how does it work?

Broke is even an understatement for the way it was when I decided to move out last year, 2020. Knowing not what would come before, during and after

I’ll tell you….

It did cross my mind, but as to when and how, took a stubborn interest surrounding my circumstance to have been able to pull off that decision. A girl with no money for agents to be pleased to work with yet would be happy to dupe on the basis of viewing fees and moving fees.

“I SUFFERED” is a little too kind to describe exactly what happened.

Never thought about it, but right there, there was the need for me to move out

Mind me telling you about all the “Hey I just saw your advert on Tonaton, oh Jiji is this available”? 

A routine call at every given time in the office/ home/ outdoor. My colleagues had had enough and would occasionally repeat after my every statement because they never changed

“Hello good morning, I just saw your Ad on tonaton, is it available?”

This went on and on for weeks. My frustration grew even higher considering the fact that it was a journey going and coming back home. I would cry some nights about how awful life is/ worse a pauper I was; that no sponsor or angel/ Kwame Despite would open the flood gates of dollars to solve my conundrum.

The uncle who promised to get back in a week, refusing to pick up and the aunties who rejected the idea of living alone as a young growing girl and the solutions: why not come live with us?

Dear, it ain’t happening. its mulla or nothing!

The tales of disappointing landlords and landladies who always wanted money so badly, that it was a 2 years contract or get moving!

“Kwame ahe”; how much do I have? Why didn’t my parents build a house at Cantonment for me? I would usually get mad about everything around me because it looked like my budget wasn’t budget enough in this housing industry.

Do I find myself a papanu or stay 1000 miles away to get to the job that pays me just okay to move around, resulting in no savings but vibes and inshallah?

One morning, I was up early to see what looks like a potential place to lay my head, only to be reminded of the very reason it had taken so long to get a place. He was bent on a two-year advance that my disappointed face wouldn’t mean anything to his conscience – I thought it used to work!

I’d never been that helpless in my life. I left in so much pain and anxiety that I had missed my way going to see my friend. I dropped off at the filling station at Laboma beach instead of La Palm beach junction. I walked in the middle of nowhere confident that in 5 minutes, I should be at Zenith university. The more I kept going, the scarier it became, but I couldn’t go back.

Lo and behold! As a peng girl with the wide hips men go gaga about, I was stopped in my tracks thrice. While busily crying to my God for better days, I hoped it was that day but it never was!

These men said: “hey let me drop you, are you okay?” That made me even sadder. I told them I was okay and I never stopped. But a few minutes ahead, this particular guy had stopped to buy somethings. So, he called “Maame, ad3n?” and oh dear! The tears. I tried walking away but he asked to sit in his car and wait for him.

Having realized I was lost, I hesitated for a while and then sat in lol – sis, you’re better off dropping off where you recognize than staying stubborn for shegey reasons.

Like I thought, the devil dressed in an angel’s apparel for a short while didn’t hesitate to offer his papanu services in codes to me that evening, and clearly the days after until he got the memo.

The anxiety attacks every morning I’m on the web looking, hoping and praying for an okay offer to accommodate me even if it’s just for a while.  Then jiji saved the day, a single room self-contain available for a year. Will you not take it?

That time living alone seemed apparent that there was no option but that!

So, it happened, exactly a year ago today, I moved out. For friends who understood how tight and important budgeting is: I didn’t have to pay for a painting. Atta Boateng and Harrison were there!

My first night, I slept like a baby – my hopeful eyes would wonder and gaze around relieved and deeply happy that this day indeed came to light amidst the chaos and disbelief.

Waking up to myself, my being, my consciousness and awareness had never felt this good!

Free to decide what to eat, where to go, how to arrange what, who to invite, how to manage my resources, what resources to get, everything and everything!

Early mornings, I’d start off the day with music from my playlist and the Bluetooth speaker which happens to be fake, now useless was everything I’d longed for in a long time.

I looked forward to making breakfast for myself every morning until working from home got crazier month after month. As an introvert, I enjoy my solitude and peace of mind. While staying at home and adhering to the COVID-19 protocols, it would get boring sometimes and the need to associate with humans grew intensely.

I would visit friends and family when it was necessary and needful. The moments of video calling and facetiming group of friends when we missed each other and had the juice to share. Bonding with my mum during this season was the best thing I could ever ask for. The advice, the gossips mostly about what Mr Dampare did, or didn’t do, the guy who was so nice to me and how to go about the situation here and there and the monthly reminder to be nice to her “momoly”. Then the Unending nights of watching Prison break that my sleep pattern would be messed up for weeks thanks for working from home – which I personally love!

What did I learn?

• That sometimes silence the fear, the naysayers, the doubt and keep faith alive
• I am well deserving of freedom to experience life the way I want, the way I can, bearing in mind the ramifications of my acts would be on my head and no ones
• Living alone as an African woman is no indication of exploring promiscuity but it gives an avenue to embrace your whole body and soul without question why you bent over to get those doubts answered. Without question why it was weird for you to examine your body the way you should, without question why you’re acting a little too precocious for “adults”. Without question speaking whatever language for commonalities
• When tough days come, you’d be required to get up regardless of how difficult it may be. Because no one is at the door with ready solutions to your problems.
• When happy days come, you’d enjoy it and pat yourself on the back for your stoic resilient self
• You’re responsible for your tomorrow as much as you’d want to enjoy a better today. Make the right choices or at least be ready to take responsibility wholeheartedly
• Living within your means would be the best decision and vow you can ever pledge
• Baby steps are counted – they matter – you’d thrive
• If yesterday was harder, make sure today would impact the softness of your tomorrow
• Enjoy every win, appreciate everyone
• Support yourself in all forms. Emotionally, physically, psychologically
• Be kind to yourself
• Keep to your budget
• Foresee rainy days to mitigate impacts
• Your landlord’s family are not your family (They can be friends when you have observed what personality traits they have)
• Know your place as a tenant
• Keep records of utilities paid (Issue receipts/ have them issue receipts to you)
• Agree to terms of your stay from the onset
• Keep it professional
• Work on yourself, work on your people management skills
• Develop an interest in motivating yourself to keep going and never stop

What family couldn’t give, make a promise to yourself and do just that and more. Who would have thought I would have survived? That losing three jobs in a row could have made life any better than what it is today. I wonder what amount of grace is upon my life that every time a door closes, an even bigger one is begging to have me a member of.

Life can only get better when you look at it head on, from every angle focused and determined to influence change in your situation.

God is not dead, that he’d see you fail while holding on to life every chance the devil strikes.

This journey I would say has been the most challenging but exciting of my adult life considering the learnings and opportunities it offers.

Give life a chance today!

A year came so fast, but each passing lesson would stay with you forever!

I tried to live, until freedom was what I needed to do it better

To moving on – on and out of your own way.