Broke, determined and ambitious. How does it work?

“Broke” is even an understatement for the state I was in when I decided to move out in 2020. I was almost oblivious to the predicaments ahead of me -before, during, and after.

I’ll tell you….

It had crossed my mind before, but the question of when and how lingered. It took a stubborn determination, shaped by my circumstances, for me to finally make that decision. I was a girl with no money to please agents who expected payment to even work with you – yet were often happy to dupe you with viewing fees and moving fees

“I SUFFERED” is a little too kind to describe exactly what happened.

Never thought about it, but right then, there was the need for me to move out

Mind me telling you about all the “Hey I just saw your advert on Tonaton, oh Jiji is this available”? 

A routine call, at every given time, in the office, at home or outdoor. My colleagues had had enough and would occasionally repeat everything I said, because they never changed

“Hello good morning, I just saw your Ad on tonaton, is it available?”

This went on for weeks. My frustration grew even more, especially given the long journey back and forth home. Some nights, I would cry over how awful life felt, how much of a pauper I was, with no sponsor, angel, or Kwame Despite to open the floodgates of dollars and solve my conundrum.

The uncle who promised to get back to me in a week but refused to pick up, and the aunties who rejected the idea of a young girl living alone – their solution? “Why not come live with us?”

Dear, it ain’t happening. its mulla or nothing!

The tales of disappointing landlords and landladies who always wanted money so badly that, it was a 2 years contract or get moving!

“Kwame ahe” how much do I have? Why didn’t my parents build a house at Cantonment for me? I would usually get mad about everything around me because it looked like my budget wasn’t budget enough in this housing industry.

Do I stay apapanu, or go 1,000 miles away for a job that pays just okay -enough to get by, with no savings, only vibes and inshallah?

One morning, I was up early to see what looks like a potential place to lay my head, only to be reminded of the very reason it had taken so long to get a place. He was bent on a two-year advance that my disappointed face wouldn’t mean anything to his conscience – I thought it used to work!

I had never felt so helpless in my life. I left in so much pain and anxiety that I even lost my way trying to reach my friend. I ended up at the filling station at Laboma Beach instead of La Palm Beach Junction. I walked through the middle of nowhere, confident that in five minutes I would be at Zenith University. The further I went, the scarier it became, but I couldn’t turn back.

Lo and behold! As a peng girl with the wide hips men go gaga over, I was stopped in my tracks thrice. While busily crying to my God for better days, I hoped it was that day but it never was!

These men said: “hey let me drop you, are you okay?” That made me even sadder. I told them I was okay and I never stopped. But a few minutes ahead, this particular guy had stopped to buy somethings. So, he called “Maame, ad3n?” and oh dear! The tears. I tried walking away but he asked to sit in his car and wait for him.

Having realized I was lost, I hesitated for a while and then sat in lol – sis, you’re better off dropping off where you recognize than staying stubborn for shegey reasons.

Like I thought, the devil dressed in an angel’s apparel for a short while didn’t hesitate to offer his papanu services in codes to me that evening, and clearly, the days after until he got the memo.

The anxiety attacks every morning I’m on the web looking, hoping and praying for an okay offer to accommodate me even if it’s just for a while.  Then jiji saved the day, a single room self-contain available for a year. Will you not take it?

At that time, it had become apparent that living alone was possible. There was no other option but to take the step.

So, it happened, exactly a year ago today, I moved out. For friends who understood how tight and important budgeting is: I didn’t have to pay for a painting. Atta Boateng and Harrison were there!

My first night, I slept like a baby – my hopeful eyes would wonder and gaze around relieved and deeply happy that this day indeed came to light amidst the chaos and disbelief.

Waking up to myself, my being, my consciousness and awareness had never felt this good!

Free to decide what to eat, where to go, how to arrange what, who to invite, how to manage my resources, what resources to get, everything and everything!

Early mornings, I’d start off the day with music from my playlist and the Bluetooth speaker which happens to be fake, now useless, was everything I’d longed for in a long time.

I looked forward to making breakfast for myself every morning until working from home got crazier month after month. As an introvert, I enjoy my solitude and peace of mind. While staying at home and adhering to the COVID-19 protocols, it would get boring sometimes and the need to associate with humans grew intensely.

I would visit friends and family whenever it was necessary. But some of the best moments were the video calls and FaceTimes with groups of friends when we missed each other – sharing the juice (all the gossip), catching up, laughing together. Bonding with my mum during this time was priceless: the advice, the gossip about what Mr. Dampare did or didn’t do, tips on handling situations, cooking, relationships and the monthly reminder to be kind to her “momoly.” Then came the endless nights of watching Prison Break, which completely messed up my sleep pattern for weeks; all thanks to working from home, which, honestly, I loved!

What did I learn?

• Sometimes, it’s the silence that quiets the fear, the naysayers, and the doubt — keeping faith alive.
• I am fully deserving of the freedom to experience life the way I want, the way I can, fully aware that the consequences of my actions rest solely on my shoulders.
• Living alone as an African woman is not a sign of promiscuity. Rather, it provides the space to embrace your whole body and soul without having to justify why you explored yourself, questioned norms, or expressed curiosity. Without needing to explain why it felt strange to examine your body the way you should, why you acted a little too precocious for “adults,” or why you spoke your own language to find common ground — you simply could
• When tough days come, you’d be required to get up regardless of how difficult it may be. Because no one is at the door with ready solutions to your problems.
• When happy days come, you’d enjoy it and pat yourself on the back for your stoic resilient self
• You’re responsible for your tomorrow as much as you’d want to enjoy a better today. Make the right choices or at least be ready to take responsibility wholeheartedly
• Living within your means would be the best decision and vow you can ever pledge
• Baby steps are counted – they matter – you’d thrive
• If yesterday was harder, make sure today would impact the softness of your tomorrow
• Enjoy every win, appreciate everyone
• Support yourself in all forms. Emotionally, physically, psychologically
• Be kind to yourself
• Keep to your budget
• Foresee rainy days to mitigate impacts
• Your landlord’s family are not your family (They can be friends when you have observed what personality traits they have)
• Know your place as a tenant
• Keep records of utilities paid (Issue receipts/ have them issue receipts to you)
• Agree to terms of your stay from the onset
• Keep it professional
• Work on yourself, work on your people management skills
• Develop an interest in motivating yourself to keep going and never stop

What family couldn’t give, make a promise to yourself and do just that and more. Who would have thought I would have survived? That leaving three jobs in a row could have made life any better than what it is today. I wonder what amount of grace is upon my life that every time a door closes, an even bigger one is begging to have me a member of.

Life can only get better when you look at it head on, from every angle focused and determined to influence change in your situation.

God is not dead, that he’d see you fail while holding on to life every chance the devil strikes.

This journey I would say has been the most challenging but exciting of my adult life considering the learnings and opportunities it offers.

Give life a chance today!

A year came so fast, but each passing lesson would stay with you forever!

I tried to live, until freedom was what I needed to do it better

To moving on – on and out of your own way.